My hip is still full of fluid and feels unstable, so I made today a rest day (that and this is the last biweek of the fiscal year). So today I’m only working on my push ups.
However, I'd like to talk about something I’ve noticed in workout blogs (including my own): frustration and jealousy. Now, usually I don't experience these feelings, as I keep a pretty good focus on not where I'm at, but where I'm going (e.g. my increase in the deadlift). But I would be lying if I didn't say that I never felt frustrated in almost always being at the back to the pack in met-cons, or that I'm just not as genetically gifted as some. I hope to write about these feelings so that others may relate.
When I started Crossfit a little over a year ago I was definitely one of the weakest and slowest in the class. Because of my difficulty attending morning sessions, I went to the 5pm class, which was comprised of the Capital Jujitsu students. They were already in shape in a met-con sense to some degree, whereas I was only lifting weights and running by myself (and not that effectively). I simply accepted this and figured if I didn't like it than I just have to zone, attend class, get stronger and get faster until I could compete with everyone.
And I've continued to keep this focus, albeit I feel like I should be making better strides in my met-con performance. There are people who are still stronger and faster than me, but I can see the progress (mostly thanks to my blog) and am encouraged to keep going.
But recent events have come up where I feel jealousy and frustration, and I'm quite surprised at my response.
The reason why I joined crossfit was to attain the body of a Greek God, a la 300. Now that I'm in crossfit my goals have shifted more towards performance (sub 5 Fran?), but attaining a great physique is still one of my motivations. I've seen some great changes with crossfit, and I'm as close to a six pack as I've ever been, but something happened, and it has caused a bit of frustration (at least at first).
What happened? Quinton happened, that's what. Who's Quinton, you ask? Well, he's a roommate of mine, and for a while he was pissing me off. For exercise, he would occasionally run.
For diet,
he doesn't really have breakfast or lunch, but for dinner will have either something like Five Guys or snack on something like pineapple with sugar (he eats mostly carbs). If I did the things he did, I would not be in very good shape,
at all. And yet, he has pretty much the physique I'm going for, and the inequity was starting to bother me. I would mollify myself by pointing out that it's not what you're given but what you do with what you've got, that the discipline and dedication I have to my diet and crossfit mattered more than just lying around and looking like I a professional athelete. This argument worked for a while, but then he had to go and start working out. This pic to the right is what he looks like, after one week of working out.
He asked me for help with his diet, because he was “trying to lose some body fat.” And it was at this precise moment when I felt a jolt of jealousy and frustration run through my body. I thought to myself ‘Body fat? Trying to lose body fat?!?!?! You don’t have any body fat Quinton!!! What has he done to deserve his six pack?’ I asked myself, ‘Nothing! Here he is looking all ripped and unhappy while my BF% is a good 8-10% higher and I’m working my ass off.’ I quickly calmed down and told him I would be happy to help (which I was, after the initial shock of negativity). As I walked away, I was surprised and puzzled by my initial reaction.
After processing my feelings, I keep coming back to the original idea that has kept me motivated throughout crossfit: we are not all created equal, there will always be others out there who have an easier time hitting a 400# deadlift, or their first muscle up, or getting a six pack. There is nothing I can do about other’s performances; I only have control over my own actions. Therefore, to worry about how I perform relative to others is useless (although there’s nothing wrong with competing, you hear me Sean?). If I want to be able to deadlift 450# while having a sub 4 Fran and a fgb score of 350, the only way will be to stick to the plan: stay loyal to my diet, attend crossfit, and give each session all that I have. I’m also starting to supplement crossfit with Yoga and possibly swimming.
I should be (and am) happy for Quinton in that he’s wanting to improve, and I will do everything I can to help him. Life is too short to spend time focusing on other people’s accomplishments to the detriment of your own morale. I also recognize that while he might have the physique of an athelete, right now I would probably dominate him in any crossfit WOD (except for one that's push up intensive). Instead of resenting Quinton, I will think of it as inspiration as to where I want to be in a year. I intend to keep up the great work that I’ve done, and will eventually accomplish all of my goals.
Now if you excuse me, I have some push ups that need to be done.
Today was not my best day with regards to performance, I only got up to 315, which is a mere 10 pounds heavier than my three rep max two months ago. I also had a very poor showing when it came to core strength. I was able to keep a tight core, and figured out how to push through my heels, but my core wasn't strong enough to keep a straight back. Because I was able to keep core tension my back never hurt, but Jerry told me not to go up in weight at all. Looking at the picture and seeing how much bend there was in my back, I can't blame him, as it looks like a disaster waiting to happen. When you're finding your max, you will encounter some thoracic bend, but this is ridiculous.
