Friday, November 2, 2012

Why am I doing this to myself?

Wednesday I stalled on my squat, it wasn't pretty.  I loaded up 240# on the bar, got under it, and was only able to get down about 2" before something just felt... wrong.  My back just wasn't right, I felt it bend a way it wasn't supposed to and so I freaked out a bit.  Racked the weight, collected my thoughts, and tried again, with the same result.  I just took off 15# and did the work sets with 225.  My hip was really bothering me, my hip flexor and adductor muscles were super tight and I was suddenly worried that I'm actually going to hurt myself, like I did in the Oly competition.

I started thinking about how squatting heavy hurts.  Like it's just the motion of squatting, it can be with just the bar and I feel this stab of pain in my groin area.  I guess I've been ignoring it because I've been dealing with pain for such a long time just having pain some of the time (when squatting) is way better then what it used to be (pain all the time).

But on Wednesday, I suddenly worried that I won't ever get to lift heavier than 225 without pain that I can handle.  It kind of scared me because there was a part of me that felt ok giving up on lifting, especially if it meant I wouldn't be in pain.  I mean, why am I putting myself in a position where I experience pain?  I've always viewed this as a battle of wills, that I'm not going to let this thing get me down.  Well, Wednesday it felt like I was running out of willpower.  Of course I would just give up on squatting only, but I feel like lifting without squatting isn't really lifting.

I know I still have some gains to make with PRP, and I'm really, really looking forward to seeing Dr. Hauser in December.  With him addressing the tear that manifests itself with internal rotation, I really feel like I can get back to 100% (how many times have I typed that up in my blog???)

Honestly it's still hard to imagine exercise without pain, that my right hip would feel like my left hip.

With the stall on the squat and the stall on the press, it looks like I am getting closer and closer to implementing the 531 program.  The more I research it the more excited I am about it.  I'm going to only have to do one lift a week, and will be adding a lot of volume with assistance exercises.  I have a feeling doing more volume will really help me.

....I am loving the whole eating big thing.  I'm still doing the intermittent fasting, but am still trying to get 200+g of protein in a day, and a lot more carbs than I used to.  Am seeing some results bulk wise, and I don't think I'm really getting any fatter, can still see my abs about as well as when I started eating tons.

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